your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
