she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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