My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
