Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
birth control should be required to get into college
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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