my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
