tell your sister to shave her snatch
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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