I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
even my farts smell like vagina
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
