maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
