Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
