like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
