you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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