I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
