This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
