Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
