I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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