Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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