I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
