Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
