I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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