So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
