tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
