im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
