Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
