Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i came on her dog
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
