I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
