I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
