you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
