Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
