don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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