she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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