I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
