I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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