a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
