I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i will never coherently bang her
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
