is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
