he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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