i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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