I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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