I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
