NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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