you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
