We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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