Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
