I can't watch pbs sober anymore
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
