I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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