so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
