So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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