i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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