I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
