eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
