why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
